My Dad
It's just a regular work day for me...when I look at the clock and for some reason...when I looked at it and realized that is was only 3:00 p.m. I felt something was wrong. Although I didn't know why...I was at Skyline High School...in the computer lab subbing. I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. The last time I had this feeling my sister, Steph, was involved in a car wreak that almost took her life.
I figured that it was maybe do to the fact that there were some Freshman boys who were trying out my patience and that was why I felt off..
Well..lets fast forward 2 hours later..when I received a phone call from my mom. I was really not looking forward to this conversation because she ends up re-telling me the same stories loads of times...and it's hard for me to remain impartial when she is telling me her financial situation and to whom she loans money too.
To sum up this conversation...she tells me that at around 3:00p.m. my Dad turned and looked at her and said "Tammie, I just don't feel good". Then he fell forward and lost hit his head on the coffee table and that he quit breathing. My mother only weighs about 95 pounds...so she had a hard time rolling him over so that she could administer CPR and to attempt to get him to start breathing on his own. My niece whom at this time lives with them called 911 and 15 minutes later...arrived to preform CPR.
EMS was ready to pronounce him..when Mom begged them to try to use the defibrillator one last time..when they were able to finally get a pulse and establish a cardiac rhythm.
I took a deep breath and said.."What room is he in?" I got no response...."MOM!! Tell me where you are and I'll be right there!" She finally told me that she was at EIRMC and that they rushed him to the ER and then they transfered him to the ICU. After I hung up the phone..I went into the bathroom to pray for my parnets.It was after my prayer that I just knew that my Dad wouldn't be coming out of hospital.
I eneded up not going to mutual that night....Ken and I were waiting in the ICU waiting area until close to 9pm.
We were finally able to see him around 8:30 after rounds were completed.
It was so shocking to see him attached to all those machines. My Dad wasn't supposed to be hooked up to all these machines to monitor his brain wave activity,or to be on a ventilator to help him breathe.. He wasn't supposed to be hooked up to a cooling machine that will help with the brain damage. I kept expecting him to sit right up and yell at us because he was missing his T.V. shows, and that it had been TOO long since he had a Pepsi in his hands.
Here was the outcome that we were told by his ICU Dr. That he was going to be put on a machine to help him cool his internal body temperature to help reduce any signs of brain damage. Dr. Miller said that for reasons unknown to us..he had a cardiac arrest. Not a heart attack...his heart just stopped. He was without oxygen to his brain for 15-20 minutes...so when and IF he wakes up...he will have some type of brain damage. Only time will tell. We just had to be patient and wait.
So we waited...after 24 hours the took him off of the cooling machine. And..in doing so they noticed that he would have these ticks...( it looked like he would jolt..almost like he was being shocked) and he would twitch. Which is a sign of severe brain damage. So the best course of action at that time was to keep him heavily sedated. To give him a chance to rest and to hopefully recover. Dr. Miller told us that if any of us were praying folks...now would be the time to pray for him.
Taking his advice to heart...about 1 week after Dad was in the ICU, Ken and Grandpa Olson gave my Dad a wonderful Priesthood blessing. That basically released him from this mortal body and told him that it was ok to let go.That his body is tired of fighting and that he would be reunited with his family on the other side and that although it would be hard for mom...she would be ok and that we would take care of her.
Dad was like a newborn in the NICCU..he would show signs of improvement, like opening eyes, or tracking sound and movement. Then he would have a set back and have to be re-sedated...because he would be working TOO hard to breath on his own.
It was time to make a decision about what to do with Dad.
To leave him hooked up to machines or to give him what is called comfort care until he passes. My mom was heartbroken..she really didn't want to make this kind of a decision...I mean who does?
Dad was very vocal about these things though...he repeatedly told all of us kids that he didn't want to have to depend on a machine for the rest of his life. That that would be no way to life.
So with a heavy heart... on Saturday, Mom made the decision that was best for Dad...and removed him off of the ventilator and the Profopal. Sunday afternoon my family and I went to say our "Goodbyes" to Dad. We were there for about 1 hour..It was just so surreal, didn't he get the memo that he was supposed to grow old with mom...sitting on the front porch or chasing after Sam?? It shouldn't have happened this way. Didn't he know that I needed him still....I mean he's my Dad..I was always going to need him. We may not have ALWAYS seen eye-to-eye. But what teenage girl actually did? In a way I still feel as though I'm a teenager fighting with my Dad about my curfew...or about who my boyfriend is..and why couldn't he just like him. Soon the heartache and pain became too much to bare in that small ICU room, and I knew that we had to leave. I knew that this would be the last time in this life that I would see my Dad.
I figured that it was maybe do to the fact that there were some Freshman boys who were trying out my patience and that was why I felt off..
Well..lets fast forward 2 hours later..when I received a phone call from my mom. I was really not looking forward to this conversation because she ends up re-telling me the same stories loads of times...and it's hard for me to remain impartial when she is telling me her financial situation and to whom she loans money too.
To sum up this conversation...she tells me that at around 3:00p.m. my Dad turned and looked at her and said "Tammie, I just don't feel good". Then he fell forward and lost hit his head on the coffee table and that he quit breathing. My mother only weighs about 95 pounds...so she had a hard time rolling him over so that she could administer CPR and to attempt to get him to start breathing on his own. My niece whom at this time lives with them called 911 and 15 minutes later...arrived to preform CPR.
EMS was ready to pronounce him..when Mom begged them to try to use the defibrillator one last time..when they were able to finally get a pulse and establish a cardiac rhythm.
I took a deep breath and said.."What room is he in?" I got no response...."MOM!! Tell me where you are and I'll be right there!" She finally told me that she was at EIRMC and that they rushed him to the ER and then they transfered him to the ICU. After I hung up the phone..I went into the bathroom to pray for my parnets.It was after my prayer that I just knew that my Dad wouldn't be coming out of hospital.
I eneded up not going to mutual that night....Ken and I were waiting in the ICU waiting area until close to 9pm.
We were finally able to see him around 8:30 after rounds were completed.
It was so shocking to see him attached to all those machines. My Dad wasn't supposed to be hooked up to all these machines to monitor his brain wave activity,or to be on a ventilator to help him breathe.. He wasn't supposed to be hooked up to a cooling machine that will help with the brain damage. I kept expecting him to sit right up and yell at us because he was missing his T.V. shows, and that it had been TOO long since he had a Pepsi in his hands.
Here was the outcome that we were told by his ICU Dr. That he was going to be put on a machine to help him cool his internal body temperature to help reduce any signs of brain damage. Dr. Miller said that for reasons unknown to us..he had a cardiac arrest. Not a heart attack...his heart just stopped. He was without oxygen to his brain for 15-20 minutes...so when and IF he wakes up...he will have some type of brain damage. Only time will tell. We just had to be patient and wait.
So we waited...after 24 hours the took him off of the cooling machine. And..in doing so they noticed that he would have these ticks...( it looked like he would jolt..almost like he was being shocked) and he would twitch. Which is a sign of severe brain damage. So the best course of action at that time was to keep him heavily sedated. To give him a chance to rest and to hopefully recover. Dr. Miller told us that if any of us were praying folks...now would be the time to pray for him.
Taking his advice to heart...about 1 week after Dad was in the ICU, Ken and Grandpa Olson gave my Dad a wonderful Priesthood blessing. That basically released him from this mortal body and told him that it was ok to let go.That his body is tired of fighting and that he would be reunited with his family on the other side and that although it would be hard for mom...she would be ok and that we would take care of her.
Dad was like a newborn in the NICCU..he would show signs of improvement, like opening eyes, or tracking sound and movement. Then he would have a set back and have to be re-sedated...because he would be working TOO hard to breath on his own.
It was time to make a decision about what to do with Dad.
To leave him hooked up to machines or to give him what is called comfort care until he passes. My mom was heartbroken..she really didn't want to make this kind of a decision...I mean who does?
Dad was very vocal about these things though...he repeatedly told all of us kids that he didn't want to have to depend on a machine for the rest of his life. That that would be no way to life.
So with a heavy heart... on Saturday, Mom made the decision that was best for Dad...and removed him off of the ventilator and the Profopal. Sunday afternoon my family and I went to say our "Goodbyes" to Dad. We were there for about 1 hour..It was just so surreal, didn't he get the memo that he was supposed to grow old with mom...sitting on the front porch or chasing after Sam?? It shouldn't have happened this way. Didn't he know that I needed him still....I mean he's my Dad..I was always going to need him. We may not have ALWAYS seen eye-to-eye. But what teenage girl actually did? In a way I still feel as though I'm a teenager fighting with my Dad about my curfew...or about who my boyfriend is..and why couldn't he just like him. Soon the heartache and pain became too much to bare in that small ICU room, and I knew that we had to leave. I knew that this would be the last time in this life that I would see my Dad.
They moved him to a room on the 5th(?) floor. Well the room was a room that they usually gave to cancer patients. To my knowledge he was given morphine orally to reduce pain and to make it easier for him to let go.
Three days later....
We were just leaving Kylie's choir concert when a number I didn't recognize appeared on my screen..so I thought that I would answer it and give those scammers a piece of my mind....
but it wasn't a scammer...it was mom..
She sounded happy..." Hey Brooke,"
" Mom...what's up...where are you calling me from?"
" They just pronounced Dad about 5 minutes ago...he's gone."
"What??....He did??" O how I didn't want this to be true. On the one hand...I am glad he is out of pain. But on the other hand....I want him here with me and Mom.
She said that she was talking to him and he just took a breath...well he struggled then took his last breath and then she called the nurse in and that he couldn't find a heartbeat. So he had to get the Dr. I was stunned. I told my mom that everything would be okay..that I'd come over tomorrow and get everything sorted out and it would be okay.
Friday morning I met Mom, Grandpa, and Grandma Olson down at Wood's Funeral Home. Where I planned the service with Mom. It was weird knowing that I'm old enough to plan something like that. It's just something that I didn't think that I would ever have to do.
I know my Dad is in a better place...free from a world of hurt and pain. You guys, my Dad had been in pain with Degenerative Disk Disease for almost 30 years. His pain on a daily basis must have been agonizing. I can't stand the thought of him being in that much pain...and the pain killers only helped for so long. Then his body became immune to them.
I know that I will see him again, that he is happy and healthy. And knowing that he can finally see the Savior and Heavenly Father...and to know without a doubt now that the church is true. That one day we will be sealed together as a family.
So yeah...it sucks right now...but...the pain and heartache will eventually go away.. and I think back on all those fun memories we have. And I am grate full for this man who saw and raised me as his own flesh and blood. I am thankful that he was there for me and took me to the ER i the middle of the night. I am going to miss him but I'll see him one day.
I love you, Dad!
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