Lesson's Learned

It's been almost 2 months since I've jumped on here. I'd like to say that it's been super crazy at our house ( which I have found always to be accurate) or that nothing really has been worth blogging about.

But in all honesty, friends....I just haven't felt like myself. The holidays were SUPER hard for me this year. I just didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I had several days where I didn't want to leave the house..or change out of my comfy cloths. Or even go visit family.  It seemed like EVERYWHERE I turned there were pregnant women all around...flaunting their un-comfortableness. ( They probably weren't at all but to me that is how I saw it)
The depression of loosing this baby was setting in hard core.

For a couple of weeks my haven....my spiritual uplifting ward....was torture. I hated doing to church. It was so hard..for me..to sit there. And for loving friends to ask me how I was doing and if I needed anything. Needed to talk...or just be there for me....the looks that were suppose to be compassionate and those that were trying to be nondiscreate about it.
That they felt like anything but. 

Then......I'm not sure what changed...but hearing the speakers during sacrament meeting...having Ken give me countless priesthood blessings, seeing people post and share the Apostles and Quarums little excerpts.Talking it all out with the Lord, talking it out with Ken...and finally having our very kind and loving Bishop give me a blessing. The ache in my heart...lessened a bit.

It no longer hurt to attend church,  it no longer hurt to talk about. I'm sad sure...but not depressed about it like I was. And I wish that it could be different...but then I wouldn't have learned those important things that I needed to.

I wouldn't get the answers from Heavenly Father that I am meant to have another baby..if that were to NEVER happen in this life. He just wants me in the heart of it all to remain faithful.
This mortal body is meant for change and my heart can only take so much. But if I hold on to my faith like a life preserver..and to not doubt that He knows what He's doing.

That He only wants us to be happy...to ENDURE ALL THINGS to the end. It will happen....maybe not when I want it to happen but it WILL happen. To answer your question...YES! I am happy again. Yes it does get better.  It's not easy but with the Lord's help...and with a great partner Ken( I hit the jackpot..ladies so hands off!) it's better.

I see that now.


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